Sunrise & Dawn -- The Inner Thoughts of My Heart Part 2
Mood:  amorous

I want to finish the last entry, but with something different.

I categorized this on purpose as a separate entry for a number of reasons. The main reason is that I wanted to share what I currently feel for Helen. I read her blog on myspace and it honestly left me concerned for her. What I mean is that I can see that she is struggling with this new relationship and that she has expressed some insecurities and other legitimate concerns that I really wanted to talk to her about it. I don't want to share exactly what she wrote (I don't she'll appreciate that without first talking to her) but I will say that she raised some very good concerns that we really need to address. However, I realized that she really does care alot for me, probably more than just like. So much so that she cares about what I think and wants to get into my head. All of this is so that she can be sure that I won't hurt her in the end. And you know, I agree. So, in a way, this entry is mainly a response to her. This is meant to reveal the things in my heart, uncensored, sincere, and deep.  Of course, I've been honest with her all the time and haven't hid anything from her, but I do think that I haven't expressed my feelings too much except on a general note. So, it's time for me to do that and I hope this gives her some comfort if nothing else.

How do I feel about her and what are my thoughts toward her? A fair question!
{Okay, remember, this is uncensored so get ready for some full-on-bronson honesty here.}

First of all, I think she's incredible; she is a woman of prayer, loves children, supports me when I decide things based on the will of God, and encourages me to do what the Lord leads me to do. She has a great sense of humor and for some reason she always makes me smile. Yesterday I had somewhat a difficult day and she just listened as I vented; she also told me a joke to cheer me up. We also get along and we've held conversations on various things, most of them have been very serious, especially recently. She has expressed that she is striving to be like the Biblical character Ruth; Ruth is known as a woman of excellence, woman of virtue in Scripture. The same term excellence (used in NASB) that Boaz uses to describe Ruth is the exact term used in Proverbs 31 in the same line that says that a woman of excellence (or vitue) who can find? This is truly noble and something that I've been waiting, a woman who is like Ruth in every regard. I guess these are things I can think of right now, but to remain uncensored it would be fair I listed some concerns about her.

Spiritually, she seems very fantastic. On other hand, I also have my concerns related to her as well. The first concern I thought about was regarding our meeting. What if I meet her and we find out that we're just better as friends than more, even though I know I really like her and she likes me? I did have concerns about physcial attraction...what if I don't find her physically attractive? To be honest, I really wasn't worried about this because I do believe attraction will happen naturally once we get to know each other. Other concerns are as follows:

What if I meet her and we have little to talk about?
What if I don't meet her criteria that she's expecting (regardless of what eharmony already accomplished)?
What is her cousin doesn't like me and advises her to stay away from me (for whatever reason(s) she points out)?
What if I don't meet her spiritual expectations?

What about bigger issues like...

Have I projected myself too much as a "perfect" guy and this is leaving her a bit skeptical about my Christian life?
Have I given her reason to feel insecure or to doubt me as being able to carry out my role in this relationship (to lead responsibly and wisely)?
Am I making her feel bad at times?
Am I causing her to stumble in anything?
What does she truly think of me and what is she expecting from me?
Does she think I am the one for her?
What if she goes to Spain on a permanant basis...what are we to do?

Sometimes I feel like that I've said some things to her that may have turned her off or cause her to be like "I don't want to speak to this guy anymore."  In her mind, have I presented a secure role in making decisions without wavering and standing on the promises of God? Have I given her the impression that I can make and stand on the decisions that are made. In other words, have I given her reason to think: "If he's wavering on this issue, can I trust him to be solid on the important issues like buying a house or car." Am I making myself out to be more than I am? Okay, these are tons of questions but these are vital. What does she think about the relationship between my mother and stepfather?  What are the concerns she has in my making decisions?

I really, really like Helen alot. I like her so much that I really want this relationship to work. I want to look out for her best interest and I want to please her, think more highly of her (as Scripture says) and not look to myself. It's too early for me to say the other word, because we haven't met yet and I don't want to jump to conclusions too soon and I want to guard her heart against any confusion. Maybe I'm trying to convince myself that this could work despite being so far away from her. I figured that if we're this far apart the physcial attraction will be highly controlled and drive us to pray and commit ourselves daily to the Lord. By not being so close (distance-wise), we can focus on praying more for each and live with the anticipation of seeing one another during breaks. It keeps the temptation factor down a great deal and gives us reason to persevere each day so that we can get to those days that we can finally spend together. But, the more closer we become, the more we are going to want to spend together as time goes on. The biggest question is, which is similar to what the Elder brought up, am I willing to make a sacrifice for her? The better question, what sacrifice should I make according to the Lord in order for His will to be done in her life as well as in mine? Granted, I love this college and I determined to finish here since I only have a little while to go (two years as the most). But honestly, if God is drawing me towards Hillsboro to live, just how close is that calling and where in Hillsboro would He want me to serve? Even other issues: can I be financially stable enough in a year to start affording a house or a car or make some type of investments? It will take me some time to get financially stable (we talked about this)  and I'm thinking a year is enough for me to do this (even though I only have small debts to clear that can be taken care this year).

This is what I don't want:

I don't want to hurt her in anyway.
I don't want her to feel insecure about me.
I don't want her to fear me in anyway.
I don't want her to be confused anything in this relationship.
I don't want her to be uncomfortable  in anyway.
I don't want her to neglect God's desire for her life.
I don't want her to get the wrong picture of who I am.

This is what I do want:
I want her to continue to be honest and open with me and express anything that's on her heart to me.
I want her to happy around me and not sad.
I want her to be "sure" about us so that she can be confident about our relationship.
I want her to know what's in my heart.
I want her to grow tremendously in the Lord.
I want her to be herself and not to expect anything less from me.
I want her to know that I don't ever want to break her heart and would do anything to stop that from happening.
I want her to experience the incredible things that God has in store for her life.
I want her to be the one, and I want to grow to love her accordingly.

I also want her to know that I'm not a perfect man and I had made my mistakes. I made some foolish decisions. I have had some huge problems with lust these past years, and struggled remotely with some terrible things. I am a man who struggles with acceptance from others, who craves attention sometimes because I get so lonely, and I tend to hold alot things in. Sometimes I have trouble expressing my feelings and I have trouble asking for help. I like to be independant most times but am I learning to ask for help and to rely a bit more others when it is appropriate and right to do so. I can almost be persuaded to take advice if it sounds very true and accepting regardless of things I have decided. I am a very complex man, and I tend to make things very complicated.  Sometimes I want space to myself so that I can think and reflect on the things happening in my life and I am very stubborn. Sometimes I think I know more than I should, when I don't know much of anything and a very systematic in the way I keep my home (i.e. I do things at a certain time almost all the time with very little change). The greatest weakness, though, is that I tend be very easily influenced by the woman who captures my heart. In this case, it's Helen. I want more for her and I want us to succeed. I really care for her (like is putting it delicately) and I "feel" more for her. I crave to get to know her more and I crave to know what makes her her! I want to know what makes her herself, I want to know her struggles, her desires, her dreams, and anything on her heart. I simply just want to know if I would be willing to commit more than feelings to her. I know I'm assuming alot, but this is what Reggie does: he looks way down the line and overexgerates things when trying to understand life and the decisions that are associate with it.

My number fear right now is that this relationship will fail for whatever reason. The only acceptable reason will be because God wants it to be so. That's fine. Okay, make that two acceptable reasons: one because of God and the other because she says so. I hope, in all sincerity, that she would be willing to let me pursue her with all my heart. Whatever the Lord reveals, I accept and submit to it wholeheartedly.

Helen....thank you for sharing your concerns. I'm sorry to have annoyed you (for whatever the reason was) and I'm sorry to have caused you some insecurities. Please forgive me. I want you to know my heart without assuming that you know what I feel. I really care for you alot and I want to pursue you with all my heart. While keeping in mind about wht God has for you, I am willing to make a sacrifice for our relationship. If God has you for me, I am willing to put my life down for you. But I want you to be sure. I'm not the best leader by any means and I probably suck at it, but I can promise you that I will pursue the Lord's will and lead according to the premises given in Scripture and I am willing to open my entire life for your sake so that you can access to my thoughts, desires, dreams, and struggles of my Christian life. I am wiling to be accountable to you in all regards and stay true to you, as surely as the Lord lives. If you are the one, this I can promise you. God bless!!!

Night of the Living Thoughts...What Are You Trying to Say?
Mood:  not sure

Man, I've had some night!

To be honest with you, it was a strange night. It was one of those nights that I slept peacefully for a while until for some reason my thoughts were ravished and overflowing with a single name. I remember praying as I laid down and spent some time in prayer for Helen -- strictly for her and the things that are happening in her life-- asking that God would have His way in her life and that she will be guided by the Lord. I also prayed that God would give me a sensitive to heart to look out for her best interest and to encourage her to seek the Lord's will for her life. After doing so, I encountered some very interesting antics during the night. Call it a dream that seemed real or maybe I just tired, but something interesting was happening.

For what I remember, I recall noticing something about Helen, her name in particular, in regards to something. I can't remember if it was something I thought about in regards to our relationship or not, but whatever it was, it played an important significance. I recall waking up at intervals during the night watching the clock and thinking "Helen". It was like I kept watching the clock go by every few hours because for some reason it felt like I was going to miss something very important. The only thoughts during the night was Helen. Her name was the only thing that came to mind; I got up about 5:30 or this morning and prayed, while still in a dazed about the connection between Helen's name and some type of countdown. It was really weird; it was like I noticed that something pointed back to Helen but I couldn't put my finger on it. So, I just prayed that God would reveal what He may have been trying to show me during the night (if it was of the Lord) or if it was just spiritual warfare giving me a difficult time and decided to haunt me last night. Whatever the case, I did managed to go back to sleep and think the daze or dream or whatever it was worked itself out. From what I know is this: It had something to do with Helen, the number of days (cause I saw the counter in my daze), and something that worked out and pointing back to her, like she was the link to everything. Honestly, I haven't figured it out and it could've been my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe I was just thinking about her too much; I was joyful to know that she spent time in prayer last night! For some reason, though, I do believe that this is important. I never experience spiritual warfare in the middle of the night unless it was important (I recall that week when I met with Elder M that a similar thing happened but it wasn't this extreme). Or it could have been the mixture of my excitemend and nervous merging with the heat and caused me to toss and turn all night.

Nevertheless, I found myself thinking about her all night. I did pray some things about her in regards to my feelings growing and about our relationship. Overall, God is the one in charge and I am trusting that He will lead us in the way to go; regardless of some things I have prayed throughout the past year. What I mean by that is this: after my last relationship I was determined to focus on strengthing my relationship with God as well as focus on my schooling. In doing so, after some extensive prayer and guidance, I decided that I would leave my relationship pursuits up to the Lord. In my own mind, I had decided that I wanted my next relationship to be last, at least for a while. What I mean by that is that if my next relationship didn't work it, it would be the last one in my mind until either later in life or once and for all. In my mind, after having some many failed relationships (due to various factors including my own poor decisions) I figured that if the next didn't work out then it would God's way of telling me that I am not meant to get married. I know this is a selfish decision on my part, so I changed the thought to "not meant to" but rather "at a much later time in life." I mean, most couples I know were married in their twenties and I"m almost thirty. I personally think that if I get to a certain point in life that getting married and enjoying it is going to be short lived. I really want to have a great deal of life to enjoy this wonderful thing, but I also need to remind myself that God has His timing for everything and I can't force Him to act any faster or slower; God's answers to prayer are based on my cries or works, but solely on His Sovereign will to do as He pleases according to what He has foreordained in my life. That means that if that He has something for me, it will occur regardless of the decisions that I make because His will is superior than mine. My will, in a sense, is based on what He His and what He has decided.

With that said, I have shifted my prayers to put Helen on the scale before God and asked Him this: "If Helen is the one that meets your picture for a mate for me, then please tell me plainly." Okay, that is jumping the gun, but honestly people, this has been my heart for a long time. I know we've talked for over a year and some months, but as I noticed certain signals and things that she has said, I had perceived interest in me on her part. To be honest, I was very interested in her as time went on and I expressed to others that there could be a "possible" relationship that could form between us. And now...that has happened. I guess the question is, how do I really feel about her? That's for another entry; in regards to what happened last night, I am praying that God will show Me His will in regards to Helen alone. Whatever He is telling me, I'd best listen and surrender to what He has planned. I wonder what Helen was praying about...I wonder if these things are connected to what she was praying about? I guess there's only one way to find out...

Chasing Dorothy...The Return to Kansas
Mood:  a-ok

Well, it's July. For me, July holds that infamous pattern of being one of the worse months of my life. It's not that I have tons of bad memories, it's just that this month has had some unforeseen bad things happen throughout my life that just happen to land in July. I could go down in my past life and recount so many things that make July that one month of the year that leave me gasping for a fresh smell of God's goodness. It also makes me think of the Tribulation period, since it will last seven years. Well, July is the seventh month of the year; a very strange concept indeed. lol

But I'm not here to talk about July being a bad month for me (I can save that for another entry, and it just might be so watch out) but rather to mention that this is the month that I had long ago set aside for travel. Originally, I was planning on visiting Hillsboro, Kansas and see a friend of two years I met there. He is a young evangelist who desires nothing more to travel and take the gospel with him and tell whoever is in his path about Jesus Christ. He would go to great lengths to ensure someone heard the gospel of Christ; it's that serious to him (and it should to me and all of us Christians as well).  But I'll be staying with him and we're planning on some things to do; most likely going out to witness, cause he's always talking about that when I hear from him. I'm also going to see my girlfriend, of recent, and to move things into the official courting arena. Plus, to annouce to those who don't already know that I'm now in a relationship and will covet your prayers as I seriously consider some important deicisons. But now to worry, it's still going to be some time before other things are considered. We also haven't met before so this is really an initial meeting to get things off the ground. For those that are curious, we meet through eharmony more than a year ago. We originally planned this meeting when she was working in Atlanta and was planning to see her family in July of this year. Due to some changes, however, she is now in Kansas on a long-term basis for school but we kept the date since it kinda stuck. While I do expect the best, I still keep us in prayer because I want all things to happen in God's time and in His own way. So aside from these reasons, I making this trip part of a retreat. That means that I'm not taking any videogames with me (yes, I said that....lol...don't be so surprised). That leads me to the other reason I'm going to Hillsboro...

Sometime ago, Hillsboro has been on my radar. What I mean is that similar to how I've been prompted in the past to be lead in going places, the same has been true in recent times concerning this town. However, it wasn't clear when this would occur, as far as my going. While this is more a visitation and vacation, God may be leading me to return to Hillsboro on a more long-term (if not permanent) basis in the future, namely after my education at Washington Bible College (and Lord-willing Capital Bible Seminary). So, part of my time in Hillsboro will be prayfully seeking God's will on wether or not this will be the case. Even if He doesn't give me an answer this time around, I have been praying sporadically about just to be sure. For now, though, I would to make visits to Hillsboro every summer (Lord-willing) from here on out; I would like to buy a house their and rent it out at some point in the future and make it a vacation spot that I can start establishing for my future family. I also know three pastors in that area, two of which are copastors and the third is the pastor of First Baptist of Hillsboro;they are Southern Baptist affliated. The two copastors are of the Mennonite Brethren denomination and very dear mentors and friends; I received a bit counsel and advice in my last relationship from the senior pastor. The church he pastors is Parkview Mennonite Brethren church; the website is currently down unfortunately. But overall, I'm expecting this trip to be refreshing, enlightening, and a great memory that would make something wonderful come out the month of July. It is an exciting time for me overall, though... I can't wait.

So, Saturday is the appointed day that I will flying out to Wichita, KS to the ICT airport. It's the closet city  that leads into Hillsboro. I'm leaving behind the things that make up my normal world so that I can develope a better sense of my spiritual world; a world with God and His plans for me and me giving up my life in order to follow what God has in store for my life. I am planning on taking our relationship to the next level on the basis of prayer and walking with God to show me His will for my life concerning us and our future relationship. I would like my commitment, once it's official that we are courting, to be more than what is now; for the next year, I want to focus on developing our continued friendship as well as a foundation that is set on prayer, Bible reading, and constant communion with God and with each other (as God will permit us) so that our relationship will be made more clear and that it will remain different than the typical courtship that two people commitment themselves in. In other words, I want us to develop our spiritual union more than the natural one; the physical attraction will grow as the spiritual attraction increases in its potential service and love for the Lord. So, it looks I'll be chasing Dorothy once more as I return to Kansas this Saturday. My oh my, what a ride it's going to be; those winds can be treacherous, but God has the power to calm the storm.

Blog Slacking
Mood:  a-ok
Okay...

I have been thrown off by my blogging on myspace; my vox and FB blogs are updated, but my myspace blog and others have some missing entries. So, instead of trying to do a bunch of copy and paste, I will just simply put the link to my main blog in this message so that anyone who has been reading my blogs and are interested in the updates you can simply go there and read what I didn't put on myspace. I would highly recommend you do that because I"m about to make another entry to start fluxing my blogs again. Since so much has happened since my last one, you probably need to go back and do a rewind of what has transpired. After that, please read my newest entry (I know the other entries are not so short, but at least it will keep you up to date). I will try to write a brief overall summary or mention some things briefly about the last entries just to keep everyone updated. So, again, I do apologize for not being consistent with my blogging on my myspace and others blog. My main blog site, for those who don't know already, is on vox. That is my primary blog from this point on so just in case I don't post something on here, you can check there for updates (it does accept RSS feeds). Thank you and God bless!!!

Link to Vox Blog:
http://ninjaearth.vox.com/

New Goals & Priorities
Mood:  spacey

New Goals & Priorities

Okay...this is the meat of my journals...

Days before I turned 26, I took some time to think about some things. A little bit of this and that, and I've determined that a good number of things in my life need to be changed. More specifically, my priorities. Between a few years and now, I'm not exactly sure what happened...I used to be very serious about doing the important things first and having time to play; now it's been more like play time and then "I'll get to it" time. That changed a few days ago...lately, I have greatly changed my priorities, but I am still far from being sufficiently disciplined in my routine. The main thing is my time with God is central and must remain central (as I talked about Wednesday night). Also, I need to do a more serious Bible time with God during the week (probably on Sunday, I'm still working this out) instead of just having the so-called "quiet time" with God. Granted, a chapter a day is very helpful and powerful, but it's not enough for me, given what God has taught me and the maturity that I have. What I do with my time now is enough to depreciate the time and value of the work my professors have spent in presenting the material of Scripture to me. So, I want to change that and honor what they are teaching (which is Biblical, most times) so that I can grow effectively for the leadership in ministry as well as a man of God.

Aside from my spiritual priorities, I am taking time to developing my gift of writing. I'm returning to the world of journaling more frequently like I did in high school (I wrote about almost everything ranging from a couple times of day to about 3-5 times a week) but limiting to maybe a few times a week or when something is on my heart. From here on out, though, all my blog entries will not disguise how I feel as I am going to express what I feel in almost any regard (which some censoring to intensity and as wisdom will allow me). To help with this, I have created an official blog for both blogging (regularly) and showcasing my writing talent on a creative writing blog. So, here on out, expect more and more notes from me (for those on facebook) and blog postings. To make it easier, I would ask that if you are interested please subscribe to one of them so that you can easily be updated and don't have to be overwhelmed with reading all of them (cause all my blogs, except the writing one, will have the exact same information). The links to those new sites will be posted below. In all, though, I have decided to make my day include the following activities with varies time intervals (for some):

Intimacy with God/Prayer (Morning/Evening)
Personal Bible Study (weekly)
Writing/Journaling (2-5 times a week, varies each day)
Videogames (after all other priorities have been cleared; varies from day to day)
Reading (varies; still deciding on this)

This is the list in which I'm trying to incorporate each day or week (as much as possible), with the first two being always definite (non-skipping items). All of this is designed to help me discipline myself in taking of important things first and developing more of an academic lifestyle (time for studying, regurgating information received, teaching, etc) and being effective in demonstrating the wisdom and grace God has given me throughout these years. In other words, I'm increasing my quality of living by being more responsible for my time since God has given me to so much to be responsible for. Certainly, though, I'm not satisfied with my level of understanding (in some areas) and others continue to be an inner struggle (i.e. singleness, age-concerns, personality development, acceptance, greatest fears, etc). Nevertheless, the first part of wisdom is to fear the Lord. That is something I greatly need more of, so I could really use your prayers (see...I'm being more personal already!). So, as I continue my life of being 26 for the next 362 days, I am expecting things to change in my life where I can be more responsible in many areas as well as more open and aggressive (gently and in the Lord) as my 27th year approaches my life. The goal: by 30, I want to clock that with being the time in which I have developed my patterns for life but enough to still make changes that will better those that have been made) as well to have a final plan, a layout, of what the rest of my life may be like (based on the will of God Scripturally and personally). I invite you all to pray with me on all these things; I'm not worried about anything, but just want to put my life so much into God's hands that He will use me well in preaching and teaching His Word (with me trembling and shaking inside and out). Thank you so much...have a blessed day!

P.S. The links I mentioned are below with their written destinations. God bless!!

My Official Universal Blog -- Vox.com
http://ninjaearth.vox.com/

Writing Blog
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/user_id/ninjaearth

My Primary Site for my work online
http://www.fictionpress.com/~authorninjaearth

Another Age, Another Year - Me oh my, how the Time Goes By Part 2
Mood:  a-ok
Well, let's see..I think it's time for me to finish the entry of how my birthday went. I was writing this last night, but due to a nice computer error I lost the original data. Oh well, that's computers for ya. Although, this one has been great, the last one gave me constant problems. Maybe it's all due to the 60 GB I have on this puppy! Nevertheless, time to finish where I left off, which was at PC (that's short for Pentagon City, remember?) getting ready to eat dinner!

At the Kabuki, I had the Yakitori special which cluttered the plate as well as my stomach. I have a pic of that lovely feast that I will post up later (for you on facebook, it's already there for ya). After dinner, I headed off to the metro and took the train to get to the church area. It only took me twenty minutes to get the Southern Ave Station; well, it's interesting too because I must've misplaced my SmartTrip card cause I can't find it; so, it was a bit of a challenge traveling back and forth without having one. I got the church around 6pm; I sat there for a moment and used the wifi to change my status on facebook (okay, so I had to stay faithful in reporting my status.). Not too long before 6:30, Rev. Mewborn go there and him and I prepared for the lesson for Bible study. Mostly, though, I was presenting the lesson (wrapping it up) with a nice section that talked about the responsibilities of a new Christian right after coming to Christ; this comes after he/she has been evangelized and God has saved their soul. Even though I was terrified and nervous, things went well. Also, going home worked out well too, as I didn't have to take the metro at all; Rev. Mewborn took me back to the campus. We did talk on the way, and he did mention that he may give me more opportunities to use my gifts; I do thank God for that! Overall, though, once I got back here, I was pretty exhausted, but not exhausted to not try out my new games! I finally jumped into the night with some prayer and mediation, and then the most highly anticipated Silent Hill Origins. I played that until I died, and then tried to re-enter the world of Mortal Kombat after all these years! I played that well into the early morning, say about 3:30. After kreating a kharacter (which is named after Ninjaearth, of course) and playing the Konquest mode for a while, I finally shut down all things and went to bed.

So, how does it feel being 26? Not much different than when I was 25 with the exception that I cannot be called "a quarter of a century" anymore! Although...I am closer to 30 now, I am considering alot of things more seriously, like my calling into the ministry to be an overseer as well as a man of God. It's been three days so far (counting the 11th) and I have noticed a bit more aggression in my attitude. There are reasons for that, good things of course, as to why this is. Even so, I am still playing the debt cards and am planning to have my primary debts paid by the end of the summer. The most major one is my school bill for the previous semester. All in all, though, I'm exited about this summer and am looking for some awesome things. Next, July is some weeks ago and it's going to be my busiest month, aside from September, as many great things are happening then. Well, until next time....hope you enjoyed my birthday adventures! God bless!!!

Another Age, Another Year - Me oh my, how the Time Goes By Part 1
Mood:  incredulous

Well, well, well....it's finally that day!

I am now 26. With great power of the 2 and 6, I sure am having a great time. My day has started off very well; in fact, so well that I've had quite the surprises today (and I love surprises). While I have much to say about what I am going to do in my new year, I just want to share a little of what has happened so far (hence the part 1 in the title, part 2 to come later when I get home later tonight).

First, this day started off with the reading of Proverbs 1, which deals with the beginning on wisdom, which is the fear of the Lord! Next, I got ready to head out for the day and part of that included a nice clean shave (with some minor cuts, ouch!!!). Thirdly, I decided to wear a short pants outfit (which is all gray) that I used to wear as a kid. Since I've grown so much, I can fit in it just perfectly now (it was waaaay big when I was a kid). Next, my second family picked me up from the bookstore parking lot and we headed off to Denny's. I was originally planning to go alone, but my second mother was so interested in going that she sent my little sisters in her stead to go along with me. So, we all ordered gram slams at the restaurant and talked about some interesting things like evolution and other fun stuff. After a very unexpected surprise, we went browsing around at Petsmart. My animal magnetism shaved off my legs caused two dogs came my way: one wanted to shake paws, the other must've enjoyed my muscular legs and felt the need to have a lick! After browsing around for awhile, Mom #2 came and picked us up and dropped me off at Gamestop, where I picked up three games (one was my planned b-day gift the others was to take advantage of the sales of 50% Sweet!!!!!!). My second family gave me some ties that looked very cool; unfortunately, I couldn't carry them with me to show off to everyone, so I'll wear them on Sunday instead after I get them back either later tonight or tomorrow!!! (Thank you again; you all have done so much for me, I can't thank you enough!!!)

So, at Gamestop, while I got three games, I played some Mariokart Wii for a while and then headed off to the arcade and played some games there (I finally beat Geese on Capcom VS SNK 1, yaaaaayyy!). I also played The Simpsons Game (a classic favorite) but that darn controller wasn' working; the control stick was messed up, but at least I got far enough to enjoy my token! After that, I left the arcade and played two other game machines around the mall, on the way out. I played Marvel VS Capcom (another classic) but the controls on that thing was absolutely terrible! I also played the classic Mortal Kombat 4, with my main Specter, Scorpion. I got my head bashed in by that windy head Fuijin!!! Oh well.....but, here's the best part of the day so far!

I got to witness to a man named James today at the Beltway Plaza. After using the WOTM approach, I gave him a track and headed on my way. I surely hope he reads it and will be in need of your prayers (I greatly appreciate; I also find this appropriate since I"m teaching a lesson on evangelism tonight). I walked from the mall to the Greenbelt Metro (yes, walked...it was a nice day, not too hot) and there something else unexpectedly happened. After analyzing my funds, I got a card and ran into the train (had like 2 minutes left) and then took a nap after taking some nice pics of me on the metro. However, as I got on my transfer train I noticed that my 8 bucks were gone!!!! Um...those eight bucks was what I needed for the metro on the way home (just in case I didn't get a ride home); Must've dropped it back at the station or it fell out of my pocket on the first time. Either way, God has blessed someone with 8 dollars today! The Lord bless them indeed. Yeah, I was pretty disappointed, but having learned to be wise, I just simply thank God for what I did have and that He got me this far; thank you, Lord...I mean, compared to last year, I have alot. So, again, Lord, thank you; He giveth, He taketh. Amen!!!

What's next...well, I'm at PC (that's short for Pentagon City) and I"m about to go eat at the Kabuki; my favorite place to eat here. Then, I'm just going to go straight to the church after this instead of waiting for a while. Besides, it's rush hour and I need to make sure I get the 5:30 bus there to Hillcrest so I can make prayer service and probably spend some time writing. My birthday has been great so far and has had plenty of laughs (I crack myself up sometimes that you can see the cracks on my face and legs...I don't have any lotion, lol)! Overall, my 26th birthday has been a huge blessing and it's not over yet. The best part is yet to come, aside from that witnessing opportunity I had earlier. Thank the Lord for that! God bless and I"ll be back with part 2 later! Blessings!!!

The Fading Groans of 25....6 Days of Striking Back
Mood:  not sure
My time is approaching....

My time is that day on the 11th of next week when I turn 26. Man, so has happened over the years and I have realized that as a SCM (single Christian man) there  is so much that I have not yet accomplished. It's not because of any regrets or failures, but mostly due to the fact that I have been focused on varies things during my lifetime, essentially starting about the age of 13. I remember going to high school was the pivotal point for me at the age of 15 while turning 16 had it's interesting moments. Turning 18 was a huge one one, but not as big as turning 21. Those things have come and gone, and now in 6 days I"ll be 4 years away from 30. Now, if turning 18 made me excited, and turning 21 made me seem officially an adult, turning 26 is almost like saying "you're going to be 30 years old!" That.....makes me.............hybrid!!!  Okay, hybrid isn't exactly a feeling, but I didn't know what word I should use to describe my feelings. I mean, last year, in turning 25, I thought I had missed some important things in my life. I also realized that I had some goals (written down in my journal) set in 2005-6 that were not in 2007 and likewise. I also remember thinking back years ago where I was hoping to be married at least by 23, no later than 25. Well...unless a miracle happens in the next 6 days in which I propose to an incredible woman of God and ask her to marry me and we actually carrying it out by then (as well as my pastoring approving the decision whole-heartedly) then it's not going to happen by next Wednesday. So, that goal has not been successful. I even planned to be finish with school by my midtwenties and have my life on the heels of my career; that has not succeeded either. There are other goals that I had planned like having a book published by now and even have a car and other stuff like that, all of this has not happened!!!

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not "worried" about these things but I am "reflective" of what direction I took for these things to even birth in my life. I mean, 2 years ago I was the closest to marriage than I ever was before, being engaged for just about two months. I came close to buying my first car, but someone beat me to it even though it was dirt cheap. Also, I had left WBC initially during the beginning of my third year of college, 2nd year of Bible college, all for the point of trying to taste a bit of what I wanted to do with my life and "soil my royal oats" for 3.5 years until I finally stopped running from the call of God on my life. During those times, I have experienced so much pain, groans, and hits-and-punches from the world that we live in that I have come back to school with knowledge of how this world really is. Before then, it was still "relative" to me. But now, so much in my life has had a "dose of reality" that I am at a point where realism takes a bit of importance in my life; by realism, I mean the awareness of the world we live in is so complex that our lives are part of a difficult journey that never goes the way it's "suppose" to in natural terms, but that God Himself, in His sovereignty and providence (thank you for that sermon Pastor Redmond), has ordained my steps in life and takes me where I am "suppose" to be. With that said, I recognize that His timing in all things is crucial and nothing happens apart from His timing and counsel.

So, for instance, if it was meant for me to be married or have a meaningful, prosperous (by that I mean money-wise and actually quality of work that is satisfying) career then I would have those things. Granted, I want a godly marriage (if I can use it that way)...okay, let me rephrase that...I want a to marry a Godly woman who will be willing to love me and respect me and aid me in the difficult task that is ahead of me. I know she has to be strong and willing to be subjected to as much ridicule and pressure from people who don't want to honor and serve God the way they should and would rather live away from Biblical authority as much as possible and would have me crucified in a second that minute I make biblical changes in the church. Or....maybe I have the wrong idea of what is means to be a pastor-elder (more on this in the future). I simply refuse to have the idea that being a pastor is a grand luxury and most people look up to me and want to stay on my coattail for my duration of serving time and are going to just simply "listen to me" and serve God. The real image I have of a godly pastor is my own as well as the elders and others I have met up with during my life. I have come to grips that being a pastor, while trying an honor and a good thing (1 Tim 3:1), it is also a difficult task that will forever change the way I do things in my personal life (since the biggest changes happen in my personal life first and filter into the way I do ministry) as well as how I live it before others. This is the greatest mindchanger in the world of a man who was called to ministry at the age of 18 and had his mind set on becoming an astronomer, writer, and teacher after college. (by mindchanger, the process of thought that requires a strict line of thinking that is not the norm for one at this age because a great responsibility has been given to me that requires me to evaluate things in light of what God has called me to do). To be singled out as a shepherd (or a becoming shepherd I should say) isn't easy. In my opinion, this has been a great obstacle and blessing to relationships that I've had in the past. While all have said, "Hey that's great" it's different when you're in a relationship and it becomes something where everything seems like it has to have my i's dotted and my t's slightly crossed or topped correctly and the idea of "power" loomed over the one that was hoping to be with me. Who wants to be a pastor's wife, when they could marry a superstar, an American Idol, a doctor, teacher, lawyer, and even the lonely janitor who makes so much more than an average pastor of full-time ministry (depending on the church) who has little or no insurance policies at the church or lives like a nomad? Who wants to marry a pastor when it seems like all I'm going to do is study the Word, debate theology, learn theology and be nothing but a pillar of service and information for people to suck up and take home. This is the thinking of some, although I can't hear what they say in their hearts, but the implications are there (sometimes). If it's not this, then it may be other things that make some women turn their heads away from me and be like "be with him..yeah, right!" Maybe I don't look like a good candidate for a husband or maybe it seems like I'm one who rather do nothing but play videogames all day and study and read books in the off-time; nevertheless, it's been a real hardship of mine of trying to remain still waiting for God to lead me to the one whom He has led me to pursue in hopes of marriage. To be honest, I'd be scared of what a woman truly thinks of me regarding her perception of ministry and what she expects from me when she's "first lady" of the house. If not that, then at least what she thinks of me as a person, a man of God. Now, this doesn't go for all the ladies, but ones that I have encountered, known, or have perceived through other people or examples that I've witnessed in my life. The best ladies that I have in my life right now, though, are those who do care about my heart and are my dear sisters-in-Christ and those whom I consider part of my personal family and inner circle. I thank you all, dearly, for everything.

Okay, let me move to something else, cause I could talk about that last stuff for hours. Another thing that I've been "groaning" about as I turn 26 is where I am with God. To be honest, it hasn't been a good year for us. I've slumped so much this year it's ridiculous, but I have no excuses. I won't bother making any! Just know that I am planning some things with God and considering the fact that my days should be filled with more studying, prayer, and even worship than what I am used to. This is not to say that I am to just study, pray, and worship non-stop (though I wouldn't mind and would love it) and neglect all my other duties and activities, but I should do more of what I am used to. I need to move beyond the elementary practices of being a Christian because God has matured me to the point where my life should be a solid brick of Christ power in the way I do things that I shouldn't do things the same way as I did last year or even ten years ago (almost) as a young Christian. It is said, "To whom much is given, much is required." I do believe that this is a scripture too (but for the sake of time I won't look for the reference). I learned this lesson upon leaving Claflin University in 2002. I didn't know that meant then, but I'm certainly starting to really understand what this means. It sounds too much like Spider-Man's hero motto: "with great power comes great responsibility." Essentially, it's the same thing; Ninjaearth, then, is no exception (I know, I just went a few extra miles but bear with me; I am Ninjaearth k?). Even with what I learn here at WBC, I am responsible for so much that I know I haven't been faithful a third of the time in what I'm suppose to be doing and what I desire to do. So....that means drastic changes are on the way for me, as I am planning to smash this summer hard with some studying and reading because I want to be more serious and excited and passionate about my calling to ministry. I remember about a month ago when our Elders were voted in and what God did to me during the prayer; Ahhh,, I couldn't believe!!! A difficult path is really before me and I honest just don't want to go through this knowing times of persecution and extreme suffering await me. Nevertheless, knowing that it was God that chose me to serve Him in this capacity because He desires to glorify Himself and take a weak, scared, rebellious vessel like me and bring people to Christ and to help to the church grow regardless of my cooperation or not, I count this as an unworthy honor that is truly not mine to own. The only thing I want, in heaven, is not a mansion or even gold, but all I want is to be at the feet of Jesus cleaning it forever; I dare not even look at His face for all eternity because I consider myself a servant who is not worthy of His master's honor. I never will be, in my thinking. What Christ thinks of me, that is up to Him. If He calls me faithful, then praise Him. If He calls me wicked, then I praise Him all the more. Just as long as His name is being spread and people are hearing and believing in the name of Jesus Christ the Son of God and the coming messiah of the world, I care not what He does with my life, even if it hurts.

So, what that said, I have took steps in starting some new things on the 11th of this month. One of them is that I have decided to go back to journaling more frequently during the week as I did when I was in high school. Another thing is that I have decided to accept the ways I am going, that are good, and remain sensitive to what God is doing in my life. From just basic "quiet time" (which for me doesn't exist anymore and is going to be called something else but not quiet time since Him and I are not quiet at all unless I"m sleeping) to the pursuit of a relationship to the attendance and work at school, changes are on the way. As a writer, there is so much more I want to say, but I don't have the time (and space) right now; besides, I should get back to work and do something productive while I'm still on the clock than write blogs. But...I'm starting seek to soil my writing oaks through Long Ridge Writers as well as through other forms of writing. I am planning on putting up more poetry and others throughout the next years because I'm convinced that God has given writing as the primarily gift to glorify Him and I can also use this to express myself in ways that I cannot express in words. For some reason, my writing is the true reflection of myself and all I feel and do; it's so easy but yet so difficult for me to do this, but maybe oneday I'll learn to voice how I feel more often to others and stop this passiveness (not that it's bad or anything) that I've been in for years.  So, as I slowly fade away from 25 and pick up the helm at 26, I consider the fact that I'll be 4 years away from 30. Having said that, I want to really use the remaining time I have left being single (however long that may be, hopefully just long enough to make the right decisions and changes needed to be a Godly single man with the intention of becoming a husband) doing the work of God and establishing my ministry (God's ministry I should say) and prepare for the work that is before me. Fighting off these groans, I hope and pray that God does something awesome this summer; in fact, I believe He will. What it will be is another story! In all, these next 6 days are my inauguration to 26 and I want to be a Christian that is 26 years having a powerful relationship with God as well as the living and maturity a Christian should have at my age.

My time is slowly approaching...
6 days left..........

I've come so far already....
I wonder what God has in store for me;
A few things, indeed, He let me see
All except for the whole picture
which only causes me to trust in Him more for sure
Whatever He has planned for my days
Lord, let it be great, because even if it's all lousy
then at least I know that all that's good in life is You
That makes waiting for eternity
worth wild because it's all You have been meaning to give to me
Please, only, Lord give me the strength to wait on the desires of my heart
And let them, in the meantime, focus on the desires of Your heart
Above all, let me desire You
Because in the end, all I ever have is You
So Jesus, the first love of a man's being
Show me how to be a real man
living for a real God
Even if it means I get bruised, persecuted, and tried for You
I count it all joy because You did this for me too
So, too, show me how to be a real man
Walking and talking like Jesus
Cause He's my main man and my G-O-D
I'm also down with G-O-D, J-E-S-U-S, my Christ
But more than that...can you be more than God?
You are to me...You are my very life!
So, please, remember me, Lord!
If you forget for one second, then I'm back to being dust forever!
Thank God, oh Lord, you never forget!!!!
But if you take me today, then let me at least do this one thing:
Let me serve you and wash your feet for all eternity
While the rest of my brothers and sisters enjoy your riches and glory
I can spend time enjoying the beautiful feet of the Savior
That marched in sweat and blood on a dusty road to Calvary
All done, for me...and you.

National Day of Prayer
Mood:  special
Everyone:

Today is the national day of prayer for our country. As such, my school Washington Bible College/Capital Bible Seminary/Equip hosted a morning worship and prayer service in Prince George's County for the state of Maryland and some high ranking officials and military personnel  joined us in worship. We are hosting an afternoon service at 1:30pm and are expecting a huge turnout from more personnel from our government both state and federal (as well as from various churches around the region). I would ask that whatever you are today that you would keep in mind the needs of our country like the recessional economy, school violence, presidential elections, and even God's mercy on America in regards to morality. Also, I would ask that you all would pray my institution regarding the authority and stance on the Inspired Scriptures (that we would not deter from His Word but keep it at the center of operations so that men and women can come here and prepare rigorously for ministry) as well as the financial support needed to keep the doors open. Please also pray for solid biblical exegetical teaching to suffuse heavily throughout our churches (as well as our colleges/universities/seminaries) and for the leadership of men honoring and obeying the call of God to lead congregations and households into the lifestyle of living for Jesus Christ. Please also pray for whatever the Lord places upon your hearts for our dear nation and for our beloved body of Christ! Thank you so much and I pray that God will meet the requests and petitions of your hearts as He continues to demonstrate His love to us by His grace through Jesus Christ by hearing us and having His will carried out in our lives. God bless and have a wonderful day!

In the attitude of prayer,
Reggie

Just For Fun
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Pretty Gaurdian Sailor Moon Soundtrack
I decided just to make a quick entry of a random (well, not completely random) thought. I was thinking of starting a couple of new websites: one where I can blog my little heart out and will actually serve as my primary blog from now and.....(the one I thought of just know)...a site dedicated to my favorite shows like Sailor Moon and Supernatural and Angel and others. Maybe, this summer? Oh well...it's just a thought! Besides, I'm a fanatic about Sailor Moon, which is what inspired me to create and write Ninjaearth. The full story at my tripod website (the link is in my blast).  Anyway, gotta go to work, God bless!!!